Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. 'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.
The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '
POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.'
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Biker says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'
The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'
The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lites a cigar, smiles and says,
For those that are interested, the Digital Combat Simulator Black Shark was released in Oct. for Russia. They are currently converting it into english, and plan to distribute it in early 2009. From the videos I have seen so far, this is a top notch simulator / game. The makers of this, are the same that made the latest Lock-On Flight Simulation.
Basic Info:
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Digital Combat Simulator: Black Shark will be released in Russia and other CIS states through 1C Company on 17 October in both retail and digital download from the digitalcombatsimulator.com Details of DCS: Black Shark includes:
Digital Combat Simulator: Black Shark
• DCS: Black Shark is a simulation of the Russian Ka-50 attack helicopter and is the first simulation module of the Digital Combat Simulator series by The Fighter Collection and Eagle Dynamics.
• DCS: Black Shark can be played as the most realistic combat helicopter simulation ever created for the PC with authentic flight dynamics and systems modeling. Black Shark may also be played as a console-style arcade game for the casual gamer.
• A detailed and accurate 330,000 sq km depiction of the western Caucasus region serves as the battlefield and includes a broad array of eastern and western air, land and sea units.
• Each air, land and sea unit is accurately modeled to include detailed models, weapon systems, movement dynamics and artificial intelligence. Each bullet, rocket, shell or bomb fired is modeled in detail for accurate performance.
• Powerful and easy to use Mission and Campaign Editors are provided to allow creation of user-created missions and campaigns. Non-linear campaigns are provided with unlimited replayability.
• Multiplayer game play is provided to include both cooperative play using the Ka-50 data link and head-to-head. Multiplayer supports up to 16 players.
• A set of detailed training missions, single missions and a campaign are included.
Ka-50 “Black Shark” Features
• A highly-detailed six degrees of freedom cockpit allows you to look anywhere in the cockpit using TrackIR®.
• An unrivalled flight physics system provides the most realistic helicopter flight experience available.
• Interface with the fully 3D cockpit using a mouse with the option for an English cockpit.
• Detailed modelling and control of engine, fuel, hydraulics, electrical, navigation, radio, fire suppression, sensor, and weapon systems (casual game play modes also available).
• Advanced weapon physics for missiles, rockets and cannon rounds to include ricochets.
• Detailed simulation of the “Shkval” optical targeting system and the “Vikhr” anti-tank guided missile system that allows attacks on both ground and air units.
• Accurate emulation of both the “ABRIS” moving map navigation system and “Skosok” night vision goggles for day and night missions.
In addition to the Russian version, a single western version (DVD and download) including support for English, French, German and Spanish is currently in development. Much localization work still remains and there will be a 90-day period between when the western version is completed and submitted to the various Age Rating Authorities as required by law (ESRB for USA, PEGI for Europe (less Germany) and USK for Germany), then presented to distributers and when the game will be available for purchase. Although the game will be completed in 2008, it may not be available for purchase until early 2009.
Between now and the release of the western version, we will be releasing free content for DCS: Black Shark to include: the PDF DCS User Manual (165 pages), the PDF Ka-50 Simulation Flight Manual (400 pages), and an English-only interactive demo.
A printed, spiral-bound, extended 550 page Ka-50 flight manual will also be available for sale.
Both the retail and digital download versions of DCS: Black Shark will be using the latest version of StarForce. The DVD version will require a weekly check and the download version with have 10 activations. This decision was made only after three years of testing using well over 100 beta testers over a wide array of hardware and installed software. During these three years of intensive testing, not a single tester encountered a StarForce-related problem. We feel StarForce provides a safe and effective means of combating software piracy.
DCS: Black Shark will be available in both boxed retail versions and internet download from digitalcombatsimulator.
Sales price of the western version is to be determined.
Minimum system requirements: Windows XP, Vista; CPU P4 2GHz or AMD equivalent, RAM 2 GB; Video 256MB RAM, compatible with DirectX9; 5GB of HDD space; sound card; DVD ROM; keyboard; mouse.
Recommended system requirements: Windows XP, Vista; CPU Intel Core 2 Duo 3GHz or AMD equivalent, RAM 2 GB; Video Card with 512 MB RAM (ATI Radeon HD4850+ or nVidia GF8800+), compatible with DirectX9; 5GB of HDD space; sound card; DVD ROM; TrackIR®; keyboard, mouse, joystick.
I have seen several youtube videos, and every time I see them, I wish I had the game.
They were also smart enough to over a "arcade" style of play along with the full blown realism. That way casual players can enjoy this game.
Also the manual in English are released. The page below has the actual links to download the GUI and Full manual in PDF format
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, ' Why ye s, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'
The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.
'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.
'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.
'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.
'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.
'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.
'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary..
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back.
John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said,
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
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